Thursday, April 30, 2009

Alexander The Great Bisexual

Macedonia’s bisexuals are delighted that their hero, Alexander the Great, will soon break the macho monotony of their country’s capital.

A prank press release in support of the Macedonian government initiative to erect a giant statue of Alexander the Great, “the greatest bi-sexual in the history of the world”, as stated, appeared recently on Facebook.

This joke aimed to rile the patriotic feelings of Macedonia’s hard-line nationalists who see this ancient warrior king as the symbol of their national pride, and was signed by a fictional citizens’ association, named “Alexander Bi-Macedonian”.

“We, the bisexuals have always been rejected by society in all possible ways, including symbolically.
Skopje and Macedonia are full of macho heroes. Even women are excluded from the Macedonian symbolic universe,” the association states.

The conservative VMRO DPMNE-led government’s bid to plant a statue of Alexander in Skopje’s main square is a “significant step towards emancipation, offering us a person that will unify us on much higher level”, the release continues.

“We have always seen Alexander as an iconic figure for our bisexual lifestyle. We look on him as a man who beside conquering and unifying the world unified people of different sexual orientations as well,” the release further writes.

Beside affirming sexual diversity, the monument will make the country a top tourist destination as “every bisexual from Europe will be delighted to take his picture in front of the statue”, it continues.

I still remember how scandalized people were in both Macedonia and Greece after watching the Oliver Stone blockbuster “Alexander”, which portrayed the young hero as in love with his mate Hephaestion.

Partly out of curiosity and partly out of some hidden suicidal drive I deliberately started conversations on this issue with people from both countries who I thought were notably patriotic. I somehow survived to tell the tale!

First they would start blushing, while trying to stay calm and explain to me that I had been surely misled.
They would nervously clasp their hands together in a prayer-like position.

But soon they snapped, losing their tempers and attacking the “commies, masons and who knows who else” for plotting a conspiracy against their national hero.

The reactions were identical. The only thing these people could not agree upon was who was stealing whose history – Macedonians or Greeks?

Ok, heroes are heroes and their rightful place is on city squares, to remind the people of their glorious achievement or ideas.

I can even to some extent understand why people tend to worship stereotyped “horse-mounted” egoists and slaughterers like Alexander or Napoleon – more than some really deserving scholars, for example.

But that is not the point here.

As far as I know, there is no hard proof that Alexander was truly a bisexual although various circumstantial evidence does point to that theory.

But that is also not the point.

The point is that, unfortunately, the fight against numbing stupidity in the Balkans is still waged only through the irony and wit of a few.

And they have to remain anonymous, of course, just in case them find themselves in the way of some “patriot”.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Alexander was not gay, you are confusing the greek and macedonian cultures. Most Eastern European men kiss one anothers cheeks when the meet wheres in Western Europe America England Australia its gay to do this.
To have a best mate one you can truly trust in one you have known all your life one when you've had some wines after a glorous battle to hug or wrap your arm around his shoulder..... its so easy to twist history.